by Hal Stone,
November 23, 2014 ©
Updated April 2, 2019 ©
Dear Friends and Colleagues,
I started out wanting to share a particular dream with you that I have titled "The Truck Judaica" because it has meant so much to me in my healing process. In addition it feels as though this dream has been "working" me in a particular way. You might say that it has been "having its way with me" in a very significant fashion. It also seems to me to be a collective dream that feels as though it belongs to all of us. This dream occurred in the summer of 2014 when I was still moving through a period of great fragility that followed a hospitalization at the end of March and my slow recovery from a bacterial blood infection. I finally felt clear of this by mid-July.
On August 23rd I had a small stroke (or possibly a TIA) that landed me in the hospital again. Fortunately, I arrived in time for the administration of a 'clot,-busting' medication that I had some serious motor symptoms but fortunately my mind was not impacted by the event and I recovered rather quickly from the symptoms - with the exception of my voice. That took a longer time to heal.
I had thought all was well, so this stroke came as a shock to me. It was a shock because I had been taking Coumidin (a blood thinner) for many years to avoid strokes. So, after finally feeling that I was in very good shape in July, I thought I might have clear sailing. Being awakened at 3 AM by a stroke and being unable to sit or stand and hardly having a voice at all was certainly not clear sailing, and that is for sure!
In a very strange way however, this particular illness was a real gift to me. It brought me a gift was totally unexpected. It initiated a new phase of my life and seemed to initiate a move into new psychic territory. The shift was that I no longer anticipated "clear sailing". I had lost my attachment to being healthy or to not being ill. This is a fantasy that belongs to the young.
At that time I made the decision not to do clinical work any longer. Since then, Sidra has been running our professional life as well as doing all else that needs to be done. The responsibility she has taken has made it possible for me to learn how to integrate the feminine in a way that wasn't possible earlier.
I certainly have enjoyed those many days and weeks and months when I have been well. Whatever happens, however, simply "is". I felt freed in a certain way. I quite suddenly felt that "I am" and "life is." It's not that I might not have a fear reaction but whatever my reaction may be, it is part of "it is" and "life is". This feeling has remained with me over these past five years. It simply wasn't there before!
My personal process has intensified since that time and the changes and shifts began to manifest in our lives. Sidra's own process has intensified and I must say, in all honesty, that flirting with death and illness and living on the edge, and sharing all of this has really been a wonderful experience between us. And along with this, there are reactions to new levels of vulnerability that come with this time of life. So it is that we have discovered new basements filled with bonding patterns - some new and some old - and we are finding new ways of working with these. And, as a special gift, the higher energies have begun to hum in a new and different way.
A New Direction
Because of all of these experiences and the intensity of the process Sidra and I were experiencing, I had many ideas, thoughts, and energies flying around inside and outside of my head. There seemed to be a multiplicity of thoughts and fantasies and possibilities of expression that were available to me. It really felt like a bit much and I had no idea where to turn with all of this.
Then - a few months after my stroke - I had the following dream that explained what was happening and gave me a different direction:
Creative Energies (Dream # 1 - 2014)
Hal was in a large space – like a place in space or in a different order of reality. Flying around and above him were a vast swarms of energy patterns; they were flying all over the space where he was sitting at a desk and it all felt very chaotic. Hal decided in the dream that he had to do something to organize these energies and try to bring order out of the chaos.
First Hal went out and bought a large notebook. Then he got very busy and began to record all of these energies. And he typed things up and created a lovely notebook that summarized all of the creative content that was flying around - and he felt much better for having done this.
He planned to read all of this material after breakfast the following morning while he was having his morning coffee. The next morning he sat down and with great satisfaction opened his lovely, neatly-ordered notebook. As he started to read the first page he found it unutterably boring. It had no juice. It had no meaning and he was deeply upset and disappointed. Then a voice of "Presence" communicated itself to him approximately as follows:
"It is not your place at this time of your life to try and organize Chaos. We know how to do this and we do it well. Let us organize the Chaos for you. Then you can do whatever you decide to do with the results.
End of Dream
I felt at peace after this dream. All the pressure to do something was gone. The Voice of Presence is not an actual Voice. It is, rather, a silent communication from this Presence or it may be between us. It is telepathic rather than actual, very much like the description of people who have died and communicated back their experiences after dying; they often describe this kind of telepathic reality as the norm in the afterlife.
It is my belief also that this shift in consciousness was able to come through in this way because of the changes that had been emerging since I first dreamt of the "Judaic Truck." People who have been living the Aware Ego process over time begin to experience this sense of Presence more frequently than before. It leads us inexorably to the experience of Source Energy / Source Intelligence and the dreams become more focused and clear and clear in some uncanny way. So far in my experience, those individuals I know who are in, or moving into, this kind of process find that dreams are more often than not, the carrier of this process. Meditation as a primary path is a different path – not better and not worse – just different. It moves us in a more specifically spiritual direction.
My Dream at the Beginning of This Most-Recent Process
A new process often begins in an atmosphere of chaos - a chaos that lasts until some new form begins to emerge. Dreams that contain pieces of the mysterious components of this form may not become clear to us for many months - sometimes many years. As I described above, this next dream occurred several months later at the beginning of this current process that began with my hospitalization in 2014. . I wanted to share it with you because I think it will be as meaningful to you as it has been to me. To be even more specific, I would say that it is essential for me to share this with you because we are all part of a common matrix system and each little blip in our energetic activity affects all of us.
I intended writing a short commentary along with this dream, but the ideas were flowing easily so I just went with them and the short commentary kept getting longer each time I read it over and began my editing of it. Sidra's follow-up editing went very easily. In fact we didn't even come close to dropping into a negative bonding pattern.
And so we come to the dream. It Is: You Are; and I Am: simply tiny little blips on the radar screen of our energetic ancestry; and, at the same time, we are giants in this home of ours - the Grand Old Earth. So it is that we learn to live both realities.
The Dream Vehicle from Heaven Judaica *****
June 4th, 2014
It is evening time – possibly 9 to 9:30 PM. Hal is in charge of a garage in the desert area of California. In this space he can service very large trucks in addition to regular trucks and cars. It is a very large facility that is co-extensive with miles of empty desert and there is a feeling of great space around the garage. A lonely, two-lane highway runs in front of the garage but strangely enough, the highway seems to have traffic only going from left to right. Hal has seen no other traffic at all until the truck-like vehicle of this dream turns into the garage at a certain point.
Although Hal is in charge of this garage, he seems less an owner than a manager of this establishment. Working with him are small people that he never actually sees. They are simply invisible presences. These small people are most likely from a different planet or galaxy or universe or whatever. The mood is very quiet and the sense of the desert is very spacious.
A very large truck-like vehicle drives into the entrance area and pulls up to where Hal is standing. The driver gets out and he tells Hal that the truck needs a good servicing. He says that he has been on the road for a very long time and it needs a full servicing. He then shows Hal what needs doing.
First, there is the servicing of the regular engine and all of the outside body sections that can be serviced and checked. Then he shows Hal that, behind the cab, there is a very long and large truck area divided into two parts. In the front third to half of the truck is the most amazing assemblage of communication equipment of many different kinds - more than Hal could ever imagine.
This is not ordinary equipment for use in reaching other parts of the U.S. or the world. Rather it is a system designed to communicate with other kinds of planets or galaxies or universes. It is beyond Hal's imagination as to what they connect to but he knows that he and his helpers can do the work. His helpers are the "Little People" who are efficient and, as mentioned before, they are wonderful workers and they remain invisible to Hal's sight. Though he never sees them, he seems very familiar with them and they with him. The truck driver seems to be in contact with them in some way and simply finds the whole situation very natural. Even I - as I write this dream - can feel their presence.
In the back, larger, section of the rear of the truck Hal is aware that there are about 40 to 60 people living there communally. There is no secret about them being there and Hal would be free to meet them but he wants to wait until the work is finished and he can ask the driver about all of this. There is a mystery here and Hal wants to do the job first and then take some time to see what he can learn about what is going on. Hal and the helpers get to work and complete all of the repairs in two to three hours. It is now about 1:00 AM.
When Hal is finished, he asks the driver about this truck. He knows there is a story and that there is something very special about what is going on. The driver tells him in a very matter of fact way that this truck and all of the people in it, including himself, have been sent from a separate layer of heaven to the planet earth. The vehicle comes from the "Heaven Judaica" and this "Judaic Truck" travels as a vehicle with around 50 people living within it. It travels the roads of the planet earth and it makes itself available to anyone who wishes to spend time with them. Essentially, if people are drawn to them, they are invited to simply be with or live with them for a period of time. What they receive from this experience has to do of course with the mystery itself. The driver himself is very much present, very matter of fact, and speaks with a sense of clarity.
In describing what they do, the driver makes clear to Hal that they do nothing. They do not teach or preach to people. There is no attempt to convert people to Judaism or to any group or ideology of any kind. There are no rules, no dogma, no doctrines. They present no ideology. They simply live together as they always do and, if you wish, you may live among them for as long as you wish. Strangers simply enter into the life of these "travelers" and when the connection has come to a natural end it is then time for the truck to move on.
Sometimes they may come to a place that is in full solitude and they will stop the truck and live there for a month or two just to be stopping and living on land and doing whatever it is that they do. They have been traveling and doing this for a very long time. It almost feels ancient.
It is now close to two hours after midnight. Hal invites the driver with his people to spend the night at the garage facility. The driver thanks him but says they are always ready to go when it is time to go and these endings happen in a very natural way. It is most natural for them to leave at a time like this. It doesn't occur to Hal at this point to suggest that they hang around for a time because he would like to be with him.
I (the waking Hal) wasn't quite ready yet, but the energetic reality of "Truck Judaica" has been growing stronger for me and it continues to manifest in new and unfamiliar ways even though much time has passed since I initially had this dream!
Back in the dream, Hal watches the truck drive out onto the highway and he watches it as it slowly climbs the first hill. He has a feeling of fullness and strangeness as he stands watching until long after the rear lights have disappeared in the distance. He stands in the deep silence of this desert space. He stands also in the presence of the mysteries that surround him. He looks back at the garage and sees nothing really of a physical garage and yet a garage is there. The little people are also there; their presence is real and yet they remain invisible and they are real companions of his and he of them. He has little understanding or knowledge of what is happening but that is exactly where he belongs.
End of Dream
A Few Thoughts About the Form of the Dream
Let me say a few things about the form of the dream as I have written it down. I title all of my dreams unless they are too short. It helps me to remember them and categorize them when I wish to do that. I also use a star system of from zero stars to five stars. The five star dream would be the most significant in one or more ways. For example it could be a dream with a strong emotional impact as well as being a dream suitable for teaching and/or writing. Zero stars is often a working dream where things are less organized and also less meaningful. Usually at the end of the year I review the dreams and after that I bring the starred dreams into a summary category where I keep all dreams of significance. The others are just stored for posterity.
The other thing I do is to type the dream about Hal in the third person. I have been doing this for a number of years and I strongly recommend that you try it. By and large it is the case that the "you" in your dream – known as the dream ego – is really a picture of one of your primary selves or significant selves at this particular time. When I write about Hal instead of "I" what I am doing is immediately separating from the Primary Self system of the dream ego and taking a step back towards Awareness. Thus I have an immediate overview of the dream that feels very different to me; and that seems to strengthen the Aware Ego Process.
Why Share the Dream at This Time?
This last dream keeps returning to me and running with me. It sticks to me in a way that is hard to describe but it also grows with a sense of increasing intensity and authority. It brings with it the feeling of being pulled into an energetic matrix that is not under my control. When I go over the dream, both my Mind and my Heart are strongly activated. It brings with it a sense of quiet and it leaves me always with a deep sense of peace and mystery. I finally decided that I wanted to share this dream with a wider audience.
What I Know Now
For me this dream expresses a new and deepening phase of where the Aware Ego process moves us in our evolutionary journey of consciousness. I feel over these past few months that I am leaving something behind as I am being gently pulled into this new kind of experience where knowledge as I have known it in the past no longer feels relevant to me.
In the simplest way that I can express what I am feeling, I can say that at this point in my life I know less and less of what has been. I would like to share with you some of what comes to me now, at this moment of time.
I know now that "I am." I know that "Life is." I also know that there is a life eternal – not as a place to strive for but just as a reality to know. I know that this life we live is of immense importance. Many believe what we do here on earth is just a dream or that it doesn't really matter because it is of no importance – because it is simply a projection of our ancient energetic ancestry. Do not allow the passion of our lives to be turned into nothing! What we do and how we do it is essential to the higher order planning that has created the reality in which we live. We were not embodied on this planet in order to spend our lives trying to get dis-embodied.
I also know that Bonding Patterns are forever - like breathing - and that our relationship to them changes also – Thank God. I know you will all be pleased to know that Sidra and I are fully involved in our bonding patterns with each other because the vulnerability of aging throws us into them in ways we never could have understood without being here. They belong because they are part of life. They are part of the "I AM" of our existence.
Try if you can to not get lost in Voice Dialogue. It is a most remarkable methodology for activating the Aware Ego process and it is available to us forever. If you get too lost in doing it the right way there is a real danger of becoming imprisoned in the thickening cement of dogma. A soul-based creative system of work will always support the passions we share for experiencing our own unique self-revelatory process.
I also know that if you try to be more loving or try to be more compassionate to solve life's issues you will be building garbage dumps in the sky. When you try to love, then you bury your disowned energies and they surface in unexpected ways to do their mischief in the world. When you try to love, then the parts of you that don't love go into hiding. This is one of the reasons why judgmental selves become so strong in so many people who see themselves as caring and loving human beings. You can only shovel so much garbage under the carpet or into the basement -- or even hide in good deeds. Ultimately it begins to smell. (And this is certainly a goldmine for us therapist types and pretty well guarantees us adequate financial security.)
I know that we must embrace the darkness that holds so much of what we feel is unwanted and objectionable inside of us while, at the same time, we learn to discover and feel the natural love and compassion that is there. So instead of trying to be anything, just forget about trying to be loving, trying to be compassionate, and trying to be forgiving! Instead, just keep embracing the oppositional energies that are constantly operating in our lives. It is this process that leads to the development of an Aware Ego Process. It does take a good bit of time and work to enter this process but it is certainly a guarantee against boredom. And you will be amazed at what happens to you when you get used to stretching your arms wide in both directions and living with - and learning to embrace - all of the oppositional energies that live within you.
I know that when you listen to people talking, don't just focus on the content of what they are saying. The content is often (but certainly not always) quite secondary. Instead try focusing on who it is that is speaking in the other person. What Self is talking? Now this is indeed a different way of relating to the world of relationship.
Going along with this kind of understanding I would encourage you to learn about the energetic interaction that is happening between you and other people. It is an eye opener and life is forever changed. Saying I love you to someone while you are energetically present and saying it when you are not energetically present are as far apart as two things can possibly be. How I wish all of us could use this awareness in our relationships!
I know also that our judgments are one of the greatest gifts we have, once we learn how to use them consciously. What you judge in another person (or thing) is what you have disowned in yourself. It sounds so simple but remains such an enormous gift to all of us. It is like a lantern that can light our path in the dark once we know how to turn it on. After all, you can't turn off the darkness but you can turn on the light and the lantern of the conscious use of judgment is one of the strongest contributors to the unfolding of our consciousness process.
Judgments live in every nook and cranny of our being, so you will be working at this for this lifetime and I suspect long after. As our judgments lose weight in us, then love and compassion gain weight. We don't have to try to find them. They emerge in the loveliest process you can imagine. So many people try to get rid of judgments because they think and feel that they are bad. The reality is that they these judgments only get bigger inside and take up more and more space. So instead of disowning our judgments, we look at the judgment and see what it is that we are disowning. Then we see how we project onto other people the demons and/or the angels that live within ourselves.
I know that illness is one of life's greatest teachers. I know, too, that everything that befalls us in life can be a great teacher. There are many lanterns that are now available to us to help light the many paths that we follow and many guides and fellow travelers to accompany us on our journeys. We are indeed fortunate to live in a time when the consciousness process is valued! We have so many lantern developers that provide us with so many options towards self-discovery.
The consciousness process, in whatever form it may take, is really worth all of the work and time that we can give to it. If at all possible be sure that you separate over and over again from your Critic and your Pusher as you get older. Add to this the need to be on intimate terms with your own core vulnerability and really know how to use vulnerability in a conscious way. This means learning how to feel vulnerable and how to express your vulnerability in a conscious way, through the Aware Ego Process.
Vulnerability expressed through our victim self does not get rewarded by anyone around us - it just opens us to further victimization. And disowning vulnerability maintains a life of isolation that most people don't even know they are living. Vulnerability expressed in a conscious way can move mountains and change all of our relationships dramatically.
I know that death is not the end just as, in its own way, birth is just a different kind of beginning. Sidra's willingness and ability to manage all of our professional and personal activities has allowed me to continue to move through this process and that is an amazing gift that has been given to me.
I have no idea what physical difficulty will come next. I have begun to feel as though I have been setting a world's record for things that can go wrong with the body in one lifetime. I have lived on and off the edge for many years and I can say to you in all honesty that I am happier now than I have ever been in my whole life - more at peace than I ever have been in my whole life. I can't guarantee that I will feel this way a month from now or one day from now. We are what we are, whatever our fate happens to be.
It is strange to think that I have not at all discussed the dream with you. Just come back to it for a few seconds or minutes when you are so inclined and just allow yourself feel the energetic power of the dream. A symbol cannot be dealt with by the small mind or there will be no more juice left in the symbol and instead you will have sign and not a symbol. As we age our dream content brings us more and more symbolic material and we have to allow it to live and breathe through us rather than putting our mind in gear and interpreting the content.
I hope we have a chance to visit together sometime soon when "Truck Judaica" comes along. There seems to be a great deal of space for all of us. We apparently don't have to do anything; we don't have to try to do or not do; and I imagine that there are no CEU credits available for attendance and I'm okay with that.
Hal Stone
Albion, CA
halstone@voicedialogue.org
November 22, 2014
April 2, 2019 (updated)
